SOME years ago, Malton Town Council talked about the possibility of Malton becoming a smokeless zone, and this was decided against because it was thought it may cause hardship.

It hasn't been too bad, insofar as smoke pollution is concerned, until recent years but now it's a question of opening and closing an outside door as quickly as possible to keep out the stench. I never realised domestic fires created as much evil-smelling smoke as they do now. I assume it's something to do with where the coal comes from - household smoke never smelled like this a few years ago, nor did chimneys continue to smoke for as long as they do. Then there's the evening problem, which lasts till late at night, a different smell which makes me think there's some outside incineration going on somewhere. All one can do is pray for rain.

I was driving in a 40mph zone in Malton, within which I usually continue around 30mph as the distance between two 30mph zones is so short it seems pointless putting a 40mph limit between the two, and the time saved over a distance of a few hundred yards can be measured in seconds. Anyway, I came up behind a lady on a cycle who gave a quick right-hand turn signal, so I slowed right down and stayed behind, waiting for her to turn off at the approaching entrance. No sign yet of her moving over, and then another quick right-turn signal and still she didn't turn, and then it was that I realised what she was doing. A new one on me, she was flicking the ash off her cigarette, which for all the world looked like a quick daren't-let-go-of-the-handlebars right hand signal. Well, I'd given her the benefit of the doubt, so no harm done.

Whilst gardening during the summer, I watched many of the smoker-drivers arriving at the T-junction and the question of priorities suddenly arises, a need to look - and see - both ways, with smoke in the eyes. So, remove the cigarette from the mouth, but what to do with it? A gear lever to slot into first gear for starting off, can't manage with a fag between the fingers, so to the right hand. This is engaged holding the steering wheel ready for a quick turn, and it's likely to get caught on the door or somewhere when that rapid action takes place. A pantomime indeed and it happens all the time during that desire for a smoke on the way home. Woe betide any service driver caught smoking whilst behind the wheel, or in a military vehicle. I don't known the many reasons for this, but it certainly was a sensible ruling. My CO, who I drove for a couple of years or so, was a non-smoker, and believed that military regulations should be adhered to. So, if the battalion was on the move, be it in action, or just changing location, we would sometimes park up and watch the 'order of march' as it was called, go by. Armour at the front and soft-skinned vehicles at the rear. He liked to see a 'tidy' column, speed maintained as laid down, a proper distance between vehicles, no bunching, 'Don Rs' doing their job of keeping the vehicles on the move, troops carried safely, and those whose job it was keeping a watch on the sky, or wherever. All this going through his mind no doubt and, suddenly: "Did you see that man smoking? Get after him - the Chevvy with the 75 behind." And I'd quickly whip up the jeep and race down the column, in and out, wrong side of the road, not enough room for two vehicles probably, bumping on the verges of a desert road perhaps, until the offender was overhauled. He, thinking the Old Man was simply going to the front of the column, would be surprised when we motored alongside him and he was subjected to an equally high-speed telling-off. No more said - no names. He was a kind man, it was just that as far as he was concerned, regulations were there to be abided by.

Cycling along country roads one can see the amount of litter dumped there mostly, it is assumed, from car windows. It's quite appalling really, and Ryedale is very lucky to have men and vehicles which actually go round and collect this rubbish, to keep our environs clean. The major items, though, have to get left, like the bucket from a front-actor tractor, long since abandoned, and now overgrown with weeds, slowly becoming part of the verge as it were. And the gateway pillars, decided to be demolished, and dumped on the county verge, likewise slowly getting overgrown. A trap for the grass cutters which would be costly and which should be chargeably removed. I see it as a matter of pride, whilst the 'dumpers' abide by the NIMBY syndrome.

Pumpkin soup at Greengate Centre the other week; lovely, never tasted it before. Shepherds' pie to follow and, honestly, I'd never known it was soya mince; I doubt if there were many who did. The innovative recipes served up are a real delight. The regular clientelle know they're on a good thing!

FOOD. "To eat is human, to digest divine". Charles Copeland (1860-1952) American educator.

Updated: 11:42 Thursday, November 29, 2001