I'M beginning to think that Government ministers think we're all a load of furniture, judging by the letters they send out. In August, one from DEFRA bearing the address of the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, was addressed to the "chairs" of all parish councils. It began - "We are writing....." which was quite obvious, otherwise there wouldn't be a letter there. It was signed by Alun Michael (who I later found out is Minister for Rural Affairs) and someone unknown to me, Jeff Rooker, who wasn't telling either.

Now, in September, another letter starting "I am writing....." addressed to the "chairs" of parish councils, the same minister writes about public services in England's rural areas, details of which can be viewed on their website, and tells us that as well as updating the standard, there is a new standard on broadband in schools and Inland Revenue. Whether the "chairs" wrote back in answer to this I don't know, perhaps some, like me, were not quite sure what it was all about.

People in high places are still crying out for a bigger and better A64 and, quite wrongly, blaming the road for the accidents which occur on it. District councillor Charles Scott gets quite carried away in his letter in the Gazette & Herald, writing of 'roads in appalling state', and 'horrendous accidents' and whilst agreeing with his last description, I cannot agree that our roads are appalling - he should try some in India, Africa and some other eastern countries where they fit that title much better. Roads don't cause accidents, do they? They just lie there waiting to be travelled on, and if used sensibly then all is well. So what causes so-called 'accidents'? (The adjective is 'crashes' surely!) Drivers usually cause crashes, don't they, with doing stupid things like going too fast, driving too close behind the vehicle in front, overtaking in the wrong places, being impatient, showing off, not paying attention to what they are doing, and a hundred other reasons. Even if every road was in a dead straight line there would still be crashes because of the shocking driving standards which prevail today. So waste no millions on bigger, better, faster, straighter roads, it won't make any difference until common sense prevails. Which I don't expect it ever will. The answer, of course, till then, is an overall speed limit of 50mph on main roads, and just watch the 'accident' figures drop! And whilst about it, a speed reduction on rural roads is long overdue. Dare no one grasp the nettle?

Field Marshall Erwin Rommel, perhaps Germany's most respected tactician, and looked upon by both sides as a great soldier, is often seen on our TV screens and like a select few from the war era, is unlikely to be forgotten. It was mentioned in a recent screening that he always liked to wear goggles when in the desert. Yes, he did for a while, that is until he came into possession of British anti-gas eye-shields. Every British serviceman carried a pack of these in his gas mask case, designed for use under mustard gas attack, but very useful in the desert and similar conditions. Made of a perfectly transparent celluloid material, long before our knowledge of plastics enabled a flexible material to be produced, these had a tendency to crack and split. Not a problem for Rommel as British prisoners of war would ensure a steady supply, apart from any abandoned stocks which might have been found. Take notice next time you seen him on TV, you'll quickly recognise our war-time eye-shields, if in fact you've not already done so. Rommel thought they were excellent.

The last lot of sunny weather prompted me to get one of my deck chairs out, I thought it would be pleasant to use at 'break time' during every day chores. So I sat down, and quickly found myself on the ground, with the framework of the chair all around me, and my feet in the air, held up by the bar at the front. A difficult position, and I pondered awhile how to get back to normal. I did this by 'toppling over' sideways, chair and all, and crawling out.

Investigation showed that the top bar had been attacked by woodworm whilst out in the shed, so I set to, and made a new top bar and re-fitted the canvas, and made a new start. Great! Good as new! Sit down and give it a try. Wham. On the floor again. This time, the canvas came with me, but the final position was the same. However, as I was indoors, in the workshop, I couldn't topple over sideways to get out. It was quite some time before I managed to extricate myself. Quite a difficult position to be in, but I eventually managed to collapse the chair itself before crawling away. This time, I found the condition of the canvas had deteriorated, and a new deck chair length was required. I was brought back to earth when John Woodall told me that it wasn't available anymore, and that they hadn't had any in stock for two or three years. So far I haven't found any, for it seems that the folding chair has taken over from the deck chair. Nothing is for ever. (As I've said before.)

Quote: "Before Alamein we never had a victory. After Alamein we never had a defeat".

Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

From 'Hinge of Fate', Ch 33

Updated: 10:24 Wednesday, October 02, 2002