I SAW a very good cartoon in the paper, depicting the four horsemen of the apocalypse, skeletal figures with grim scythes, plus a fifth one, a snowman, armed with a carrot. "Oh no" said the onlooker "War, plague, famine, death and now snow." My thoughts entirely. Last Thursday night it took me seven hours to cover a normal two-hour run in the car. Black ice, winds driving the already low temperature lower and hail just grid locked the road I was on. A flyover, normally two minutes in traversing - two hours. Not a gritter in sight.

At home, John has been salting the yard to get rid of the snow with my dishwasher salt. The Muscovy ducks have been very appreciative. They can then waddle over to the dogs drinking bowls for water without going beak end over ducks bottom, as their own pond and puddles are all iced over. I noticed though that once more my bay leaf tree and magnolias have been the victims of the freeze-up. Not because of weather damage, but because the ducks go straight to them when all the other greenery is covered with snow. I am particularly cross about the bay leaf tree as I had only just nursed it back from extinction after last year's onslaught.

Today I had a chance to speak to the owner of a road-gritting business. We had been invited to a brunch at a friend's house, and the major topic of conversation, apart from bewailing the end of the shooting season, was the treacherous condition of the roads as soon as there is a hint of sub zero temperatures. "We pay thousands for up-to-date weather services," he said after hearing me drone on about my epic journey "But you can still get it wrong." He has to pay penalty clauses for excessive number of ice related accidents at black spots, and conversely receives a bonus if there are fewer in icy conditions. It does not appear to be as simple as saving money by not getting out in time to grit the roads, if they are not gritted and accidents occur, it costs him. A lot.

By coincidence, the only casualty known to me in the icy weather has been a friend's tooth. He slipped and fell a few weeks ago badly cracking a front tooth. His dentist recommended capping the tooth as the best repair and started the long business of filing down the tooth, fitting a temporary cap, with the final fitting of the new cap on Monday. We saw him that night, new tooth not exactly flashing in the light and dazzling us (they are of course colour matched) but definitely representing the best that British orthodontics can provide. "I was a bit concerned about the whole process and asked how often the cap would need replacing, but my dentist has assured me it will last a lifetime, or mine to be precise."

Imagine his dismay then when two days later the cap chipped. A bite off a piece of French bread and, whoops, a large chunk of the tooth flaked off. By the time he got to ring the dentist, more of the cap was crumbling away. "I demanded to get put straight through to my dentist," he said "and asked her if she'd got second sight, or could diagnose a fatal illness purely from the state of my teeth. Or tongue. She was baffled. Asked me what I was talking about. Then I reminded her that she had assured me my new tooth would last a lifetime, and I'm just concerned that I'm not going to live any longer than the weekend."

Updated: 11:16 Wednesday, February 05, 2003